Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Writing

Where’s my 2020 diary?

2020. What even is a diary by this stage?….

I’m a sucker for a page to day diary and, under normal circumstances, would use one all the time. Every task I intend to complete each week is noted down on the day I will complete it. It helps me remain focussed and disciplined with my writing and I highlight my social life to ensure that I still have one.

This year it’s gone out the window.

No really. It possibly could have because I don’t know where it is!

The other morning I phoned the doctors for the first time in forever and booked an appointment. I’m very lucky, I know. Anyway. Although the surgery had sent me a text reminder, I felt the urge to write it in my diary as well.

My diary was nowhere to be seen. It was at this point when I realised I’d stopped bothering to use my diary months ago, I didn’t even know where it was?!

While I strive to continue balancing work and writing, I’ve given in to the fact that this year is like no other and some days I find it quite tough. Work has suddenly picked up again and at the end of last week I didn’t need to look at takings to see how busy we were, I could physically feel it in my aching eyes and wobbling legs. Everything is getting on top of us all again. It’s mental.

This weekend I have plans other than work but I’ve decided to wing it. Who needs a diary? If I put anything big in it’ll probably get cancelled anyway. More friends were meant to get married this month – cancelled.

It gets boring and so depressing for those most effected. Then I think, it’s one year. Whether it’ll be over any time soon is another matter altogether but in the grand scheme of life, it’s not a very long time.

For links to all of my writing related stuff, my link tree is below. You can also find published work in my portfolio. My debut novel, Dear Brannagh, is available on Amazon along with the sequel Don’t Tell Jack. If you enjoy what you’re seeing here and are interested in following me on my writing journey, then please subscribe to my newsletter by dropping your name and email. There will be plenty of giveaways, news hot off the press and an honest insight into life as an author. Thank you x

linktr.ee/HJMWriting

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations

2020, I took a DAY OFF

It’s Monday. Monday 7th September 2020 and I am enjoying the first day off I’ve had all year. I am bloody loving it. I’m sat here at 2:10pm with a chilled glass of white wine, sat on a recliner and feeling happy from the inside out.

It wasn’t until I heard a specialist discussing on BBC Breakfast the importance of a day off. It could only be a single day but it does the world of good. She was saying how so many front line workers; nurses, doctors etc – haven’t taken their holiday entitlement due to having no choice or having nowhere to go. It’s dangerous. Physically and mentally it is dangerous and I don’t think I realised this until now.

I knew how beneficial this day was going to be as I left on Saturday afternoon for the Suffolk coast. When I was discussing with my boss when I would return, I felt an urge push me from within against coming back to work Monday lunchtime. A full day is what I needed. A full day when I should have been working.

Of course, each week I have Sunday’s. They are the BEST. I read, listen to podcast, visit friends, drink plenty, write, do chores that I’ve missed during the week. It’s too much. I need longer to fit it all in. There is also a completely different mindset to having a day off when the rest of the world is working. I feel that brilliant feeling that I always feel when I’m at the beach, my happiest place, but I feel it amplified because I should be at work.

I should be at work, but I’m not.

I should be at work, but I’m drinking wine at 2pm.

I should be at work, but instead I’m buying toys for my dog which he loves.

I should be at work, but I’m having a McDonald’s breakfast (and only just made it in time).

I should be at work, but it started raining so I went back to bed.

I should be at work, but I finished my book.

I should be at work, but I didn’t put a bra on (and went out in public MULTIPLE times). No cares.

…It is now Friday and I am still feeling the benefits of having that extra day to myself. More time to do nothing. Seriously, if you’ve worked tirelessly this year and haven’t taken any time out, consider it. A day is sometimes all you need to recuperate and get right back to it again.

It’s 2020 and I took a day off.

For links to all of my writing related stuff, my link tree is below. You can also find published work in my portfolio. My debut novel, Dear Brannagh, is available on Amazon along with the sequel Don’t Tell Jack. If you enjoy what you’re seeing here and are interested in following me on my writing journey, then please subscribe to my newsletter by dropping your name and email. There will be plenty of giveaways, news hot off the press and an honest insight into life as an author. Thank you x

linktr.ee/HJMWriting

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations

The lock down splurge…

I am sitting here in a sorry state. Addicted to my Fitbit, yet eating cake for breakfast. Enjoying a cuppa, yet moving cautiously due to a bad burn from a cuppa. A draining bank account from lock down spending.

Has anyone else splurged more than usual lately? I don’t know what’s got into me.

The other day I came home from work for a few hours and spent more than my weekly earnings in five minutes. I didn’t even plan it. It just happened.

It started with the Fitbit. My sister and I went on a long walk over the weekend and she had been given a Fitbit for her birthday. Her constant evaluation of how many steps we’d done and the number of calories burnt made me consider getting myself one. A week later and I’m hooked. I compete each night with my own sleep score, I walk the longer way to work to get my steps up and I log all my food, even the bad bits.

The next purchase was, again, not very essential. An Iphone. The New SE – a bargain. And one that I didn’t need.

A further splurge came in the form of face creams and moisturising products after a conversation with a nurse which led to a conversation with a beauty rep selling moituriser.

Oh, go on then, I’ll tell you the story…

Sunday morning. At my happy place. Glorious sunshine. Just about to enjoy my first coffee of the day before a relaxed morning. I was on a sun lounger. BIG MISTAKE. My sister passed me the boiling coffee and I swiftly spilled the lot over my lap. OUCH. She even asked if I wanted some cold in it!!!! The blisters grew, the wound worsened and after medical attention from two brilliant nurse friends I now know I’m very lucky that it didn’t get infected and I should’ve gone straight to A&E. Oops.

So yeah, I spent loads on creams and just this morning I was scrolling through Insta stories and now I’ve bought some sandals.

Not bad for a weeks splurge.

All of my blog posts can be found at https://www.harrietmills.co.uk/ and to read my published work visit my portfolio.

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Writing

A lock down anthology: when this is all over…

The other day I made time to sit down and read through Writing Magazine. Inside was a lovely idea from Jan Moran Neil for a lock down anthology. It will be called When this is all over… she welcomes a selection of poetry and prose of no more than 200 words. ‘Your thoughts, wishes, hopes, reflections on this time.’ janmoranneil.co.uk/blog

Here’s mine…

When this is all over I will appreciate more. A trip to town, a mini-break at the beach, a hug, a social gathering, dinner with those you see the most, and dinner with those you see the least. I will certainly notice nature a lot more and allow it to bring me much happiness whenever I am down. The natural and pure. Children and mothers, wildlife, the trees, birds, grasses blowing in summer breeze, colours of lavender fields and smells of pollen.

I will enjoy sleep because I now know what it is to be deprived of it. On days when I feel on top form and full of energy I will give thanks, for so long I have been run down during lock down. Clear skin showing my radiance as oposed to spotty stress. A spring in my step and a smile on my face rather than clumping along with a frown.

Never again will I moan about slowness under pressure while waiting in queues. Instead I will understand the meaning of pressure and give the staff a break. I will try not to worry about money. I will endeavour to be kind.

When this is all over I will appreciate the freedom we can so easily be denied. Lock down 2020 – back to basics, simplicity and a love for life.

Now try yours…

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Writing

2020 – an update

I’m chuckling to myself at how particular I am. I must tell you this before I begin. With everything from timings to activities and how I undertake them, I have to have everything just so. Maybe something is wrong with me? I don’t really care.

Granted I have work at 10 so my free time is restricted and therefore setting my alarm for a series of time slots in which I can get different things done is a necessity. However, it does make me laugh. NEVER HAVE ENOUGH TIME!

NB: This was Monday morning, not today.

7am – I woke up. Allowed half an hour to enjoy a hot cup of coffee (a rarity) before reading under the light of my bedside lamp for just over half an hour. Subconsciously, I got up, turned my bedside lamp off and big light on, window open to hear the birds and the breeze, another coffee and a flapjack for fuel and then it was writing time!

My writing…

My writing has been going ok lately despite everything that is happening. I am behind with the constant that is my second novel and also the plans for a third, lock down novel, but I am managing to keep up with prioritising.

My second proof came first and that has been sent off. Hoorah! My blog must continue, so here I am. This week’s to-do list includes more work on my two novels as well as reading up to date my writing magazines which have been somewhat neglected. Oops. It is crazy how much I used to fit onto my to-do list (and complete) each week pre-covid19.

Social…

My social life even nudged me to stay awake and out past 10:30pm on a Saturday night this weekend! I visited friends in a town about half an hour from where I live and it’s the furthest I’ve been since 23rd March. It felt good to drive and blast out the tunes and it was only the forth time I’ve left my village in this debarcle.

I even incorporated a drive-through dinner into this trip which was both bloody brilliant and bloody awful. I arrived glancing at the queue for McDonald’s and KFC to find them both very similar in hugeness. My friend asked for Popcorn chicken so I committed to KFC. Seconds later, the McDonald’s queue moved rapidly on to the point that hardly anyone was in it so I immediately regretted my decision but I’d committed so I had to wait it out.

The rain hammered onto my windscreen as we all edged along slowly nearing the entrance. I read the sign saying that there was a reduced menu and steam starting coming out of my ears when I imagined the result if Popcorn chicken wasn’t on this reduced menu. It was. Thankfully. All was ok. Half an hour later I left for the road.

I also experienced Tesco for the first time since lock down, in fact my first supermarket experience, or one of queuing outside a store that you’d, pre-covid19, have walked happily in to. It wasn’t so bad. Apparently restrictions have eased so I can’t imagine how it once was.

Work…

Work continues to drain us of energy and come 5pm only beer will get us through, but it’s all fun and games right? We’ll look back one day and be proud.

But it’s all good…

The birds continue to sing, nature still impresses and good things are everywhere admist the worry of the future.

You just gotta keep on keeping on…as they say…

H

X

For links to all of my writing related stuff, my link tree is below. You can also find published work in my portfolio. My debut novel, Dear Brannagh, is available on Amazon along with the sequel Don’t Tell Jack. If you enjoy what you’re seeing here and are interested in following me on my writing journey, then please subscribe to my newsletter by dropping your name and email. There will be plenty of giveaways, news hot off the press and an honest insight into life as an author. Thank you x

linktr.ee/HJMWriting

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Writing

I had a plan on a sunday

So in the UK the lock down is starting to be eased a little. All over the news there are various stories of the ways in which countries are easing things in a desperate attempt to get back to some sort of normality.

Whether I agree or disagree with each government’s approach (I honestly think it’s the hardest thing to control) we stuck by the rules and had a socially distanced barbecue planned for the weekend. This meant that it was my first Sunday with a plan in over two months. Wow.

As I showered at 1pm having done some productive things but mostly worked on my tan while reading my book in the garden, a thought came to me.

How was I rushing? How had life already come to being rushed again?

Throughout lock down my social media feeds have been swarmed with boredom but also people noticing things. Many have noticed how much time is in a day once you’re off the mad rush that is working life.

They have noticed nature, people, things about themselves that passed them by before. It has appeared as a wonderful revelation and one that most will want to stick in life post lock down. Yet, day one in getting back to some form of functioning society and I am struggling to find the time?!

Sunday is the one day a week that I get to experience lock down. For the past two months (though working a little on some) my Sunday’s have noticably been the slowest day of the week.

I have enjoyed slow mornings. Getting up slowly has been luxurious and enjoying a warm beverage before it has turned cold due to me becoming preoccupied with a matter of higher priority at work has been great. It really is the little things

It has been liberating to realise that I don’t know what time it is or where I have left my phone or having no limits to an acceptable time to relax with a large glass of red.

Even on mornings when I have crammed lots of writing and reading and planning in, feeling positive and productive, I will look at the clock to find it is only midday.

Truthfully, Sunday’s have become a beautifully happy blur like that feeling in between tipsy and drunk. You don’t quite know what’s going on and you’re gradually beginning to lose control, but it feels just lovely.

There I was on a Sunday with a plan. For the first time I had to rush. I had an hour to get ready and still struggled. My day suddenly felt exceedingly short.

I consider myself fairly organised and good with time management but there I was, failing. I’m not too sure how it happened, but maybe life post lock down won’t be slower.

Maybe modern life and the way we’ve shaped it can’t be slower. Or maybe we just need to find time amidst the chaos to give ourselves a mini lock down experience in stopping, appreciating, noticing and loving life.

[inserts hands in air emoji]

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn’t it?

Categories
fiction Stories Writing

A LOCK DOWN NOVEL: 6

(a snippet of)

Chapter 6, Erin

Orange. The entire room had a glowing tint of orange and when we walked in, I hadn’t ever thought of orange as a particularly warming colour, but my mind was more focussed upon mum’s behaviour in a public setting so most of my attention was on that. Saying that though, the orange wasn’t a bright and garish tone of orange like that of my hideously decorated bedroom from the age of seven to ten years old, but rather that of a golden glow just like the sun makes on a summers evening. Golden hour. The incense sticks in each corner of the small and cosy space added to the calming feeling as did the instructor asking us politely to remove our outdoor footwear and place them in the closet before entering the room. It made it feel like home.

I had never met the lady who was going to take our class before, but Eileen assured me that she was lovely and a very good yoga teacher because she used to take Eileen’s classes when she first moved here until Eileen stopped attending due to stress. In fact, the whole idea to go was down to Eileen, I usually avoided taking mum out in public nowadays and preferred to restrict our time together to when we were alone. Outside of her room but still alone. I like it that way and I can relax properly to enjoy the time that we had instead of constantly being on edge due to not knowing when she would lash out or do something crazy.

With our socks, shoes and bags safely stored in the closet we entered the room and each chose a mat next to one another – I was in the middle. Beside my mum were another two people and that made up our class which pleased me. I was nervous about doing yoga for the first time, so I was happy with it being a class of five.

We all sat cross legged on our mats which each had a block and a sort of miniature bean bag placed at one end and a human sized elastic band type piece of equipment next to them which I was very curious and slightly worried about being the least flexible person ever. However, I had promised Eileen that I would keep an open mind about it all, so I just went with it, ready to participate in all that the instructor told us to do.

Mum wasn’t making eye contact with the yoga teacher which made me realise that she hadn’t made eye contact with neither me nor Eileen since we picked her up. That wasn’t so unusual to us, it may be to the other people in the class though. Instead she looked awkwardly at the floor and picked at her hand which was a gesture she did when nervous. It was a gesture I didn’t mind though as I had to accept that she would be nervous when in public for a while and she wasn’t acting too crazy so to me it was ok for her to be that way.

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Stories Writing

Lock down – an update

Week 10, 11, 12? I don’t really know to be honest. This week I left the house for the first time since Boris announced we stayed home on March 23rd. It was stranger than I had imagined.

I only left to get my MOT!

Having waited patiently in an empty reception at the garage, nothing seemed too different to before. Besides, my life hasn’t changed much during this in terms of routine. Of course, it is busier than ever and I am more tired than ever, but in terms of my daily schedule it is much the same. Wake up, go to work, drink too much wine, fall asleep and do it all over again.

I’ve seen people. I’ve witnessed social distancing but not to the level of supermarkets and hour long queues to get into a bank. I don’t intent to experience that either. No thank you.

So, having enjoyed an hour to myself reading my book while waiting to see if my car was broken or not, I upped and left. My car wasn’t broken. Hoorah!

I decided to make a trip of it and fill up with petrol too (I know how to live) so I pulled up into the garage next door. Well, I didn’t expect to find it so bizarre entering the first building that wasn’t my work in ten weeks. I felt like I was in an apocalyptic film, the only person left on earth, trying to survive. An essential purchase of a packet of Jammie Dodger biscuits, my petrol and I left.

Writing during lock down…

In terms of writing during lock down I am having mixed experiences. Last weekend was a bank holiday weekend. It was also the first weekend which I didn’t have to go to work for any amount of time so I made the most of it. I wrote two chapters of my second novel and was very chuffed with them.

This morning I have organised myself a bit in terms of my blog and general laptoppy admin duties so I feel good about that. This week I finished a great book (Lucinda Riley is now a favorite author of mine).

However, there are many many times when I get overwhelmed by the little amount of time I have during Corona-life in which to write. There have been some weeks where I’ve hardly written at all. There have been weeks where I couldn’t remember the last time I sat down to read. It really gets me stressed.

Trying to juggle is a skill I am usually good at but have not yet mastered and giving myself a break from the pressure is something I mostly fail at. Yet I am understanding that it is only me who feels stressed after a week of no writing. Also, writing is a long process and one that often produces many drafts before quality work so bad days can certainly be accepted.

My blog and lock down…

I am going to change the arrangement of my blog slightly for now and aim for two posts per week. I was bogging myself down with content and figured that good content is better than lots of it.

Therefore, I will provide you good people with one post much like this one per week. An update, a personal experience, a ditty, a good story – whatever it may be. And I will then post a fictional snippet of things I am working on. A bit of lighter reading at the weekend. A short story for competition, a section of my novel, a random piece of prose for inspiration.

Thank you…

As always I thank you all for your time in visiting my blog. I really hope my work leaves you with a smile on your face.

H x

Categories
fiction Stories Writing

A LOCK DOWN NOVEL: 4

(a snippet of)

Chapter 4 Erin

Of course, I worried a little initially about the horror stories I had heard. The trolls, the glamorous accounts of false lives to make me feel awful about my own, the mass of uneducated opinions, the dangerously fast addiction and everything else in between, but I never thought much about it all. Besides being sixteen in 2019 meant that I had a firm grasp of what lay before me and I felt strong enough to cope with life on social media.

At the beginning I tried to remain strong anyway. It was more to prove a point to my mum but a fraction of it was fear of the inevitable. I could feel instantly the addiction looming. After two days of having access to the virtual social world, my phone was the first thing I went to pick up in the morning and the last thing that I put down at night. I spent hours scrolling and still do, but I don’t know why because after doing so I have never gained anything more or lost anything, my life remains exactly as it was.

On days when I feel bad about my own image, Instagram strengthens this sad emotion when I witness the accounts not of celebrities but of my own friends looking like celebrities. Their accounts fill my newsfeed with perfection and no flaws. The perfect brunch, the most exotic holiday venues, the prettiest new haircuts that look better than I looked that time when I had my hair and all my makeup done by a professional for a family wedding back in Ireland.

At the weekend I see friends and acquaintances out having fun. I always think to myself how they are doing the things that I should be doing when I am visiting Mummy or at work. Friends who have gone to places without even asking me so of course I feel totally left out and forgotten. Acquaintances who I don’t even care about doing things that make my Saturday night look so boring and suddenly I am deeply involved with care for the comparison.

On a more distant level, I see opinions all the time that I completely disagree with or that make me so angry that I can feel my face going red. I see people being horrible openly in their statuses or indirect Tweets and I laugh a little inside in agreement, but never would I say it to their face. I don’t wish to be involved with that kind of negative behavior, but it is too easy to get sucked in.

Categories
fiction Writing

A LOCK DOWN NOVEL: 5

(a snippet of)

Chapter 5 Jack

In the bathroom I have a stool to stand on to brush my teeth properly and wash my face thoroughly. I needed it to reach the sink when I was younger, but now I have grown a bit and only use it so that I have that extra bit of height because our bathroom sink is quite deep and higher up than a normal one.

Mummy bought me an electric toothbrush for my tenth birthday because she said that once you reach double digits you are old enough to have one and this made me very excited. I now brush my teeth better than I ever did before, but it means that now they know I am awake because they can hear me in the bathroom.

‘Oh hello Jack. I didn’t see you sneak in here! Did you sleep ok?’ Eileen says to me while putting her arms around me and squeezing me tight. I nod in reply.

My tooth brush buzzes three times quickly and that’s when I know it’s time to stop. Cleaning is finished for another morning. Now it’s time to wash my face with my new wash that Eileen got me. She said it will stop big spots coming early so that I will never get bullied when I become a teenager. I didn’t understand what she meant but I don’t ever want to get bullied, so I always use it to wash my face.

Finally, the screaming has stopped and I think Erin is ready to leave the house. I just have to put my clothes on but that won’t take very long at all because Eileen and I laid them out all neat last night before I went to bed. As I am getting dressed I hear the car doors open outside on the driveway and this makes me happy because it means that there will be no more waiting around before leaving the house for whatever it is we have to do and wherever it is we are going.

I get in the car and wait a few moments while Eileen locks up and makes sure that Flo is happy and won’t destroy the kitchen cupboards like she has done occasionally when she got anxious with us being away for a long time. Flo is my favourite.

As we drive out of our close along the busy road into York city centre, I think about all the happy times that I have had with Flo. I’m not allowed to walk her on my own yet, but I still enjoy walks with her because even if I am with Eileen or Erin or even Mummy sometimes then I still can feel like I’m all on my own.

Our drive keeps stopping and starting because of lots of traffic lights but I’m not taking too much notice because I am thinking about Flo and all the good times we’ve had. Suddenly our drive stops completely and I realise that we are here. The car park is busy and the signs suggest we are at a police station or a station where policemen go but I don’t know why this would be or why Erin would need to come here on a Saturday when she’s not at school.