Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Writing

Less time, more grateful

There’s no doubt about it, this year has denied us all of time. I’m currently watching the news and feel it is never ending. France now on the quarantine list. The Netherlands. We’ve got to grip onto any positivity.

As lock down eases, I am certainly feeling more and more grateful for the time I have.

For about three months my life was like groundhog day. It still is to a certain extent, but I am now able to do a lot more (and not feel guilty about leaving the house) on my days off. Or should I say day and a half. Well, now we are opening longer on Saturdays it really is one day.

While I get tired and stressed about where I can fit in any writing, I am quickly realising that any free time I have is precious and I am constantly learning how to spend it better. I won’t feel guilty if my entire two hour break is spent with my nose in my book. Sometimes I manage to read, listen to a podcast and write a few words of my next book. On those days I am winning but sometimes one thing is enough and I will just relax and read. I even watched a glimpse of daytime TV the other day. No guilt.

On Sunday, while loving life and deeply appreciating time to myself and away from work, I still found myself fighting against a ticking clock. How? I had one plan to meet friends at 4pm. 4pm. I had hours to fill.

A deep sleep and a bit of reading in the early morning led to a speedy shower and rushing all the morning routine before leaving the house. Tesco time was limited as I had also planned a walk in the arvo. Lunch was deliciously fast and my beer was interrupted by being needed elsewhere. The walk was speedy (it was bloody hot) but lovely and drinks went on all night.

My night ended with the words “Harriet, you’ve got to be up in 5 hours!!!!” and onto the week ahead, speedy gonzales.

It is so true that this life is too fast paced and we cram so much in. It is also true that knowing we have less time leads to being more grateful, so grateful for the time that we have.

🙂

H x

All of my blog posts can be found at https://www.harrietmills.co.uk/ and to read my published work visit my portfolio.

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Writing

Thoughts and feels

For the past two days I’ve been dragging myself along, frankly pissed off about how quickly the weekend went by. Did we even have one?!

I frequently long for a week off, a long weekend or even just a day to get away from this madness…and then I watched the news. BIG mistake.

It’s all such doom and gloom, so terrifying. Despite keeping going for the duration so far, yesterday it got to me a bit.

Yet today is a new one and this morning it’s those little things that have got me going. The sunshine, an hour longer in bed, a proper shower with time to pluck my eyebrows and take time with my make up – am I on holiday?!

I have work in just over an hour but wanted to share this snippet with you. It’s hard at the moment to feel good all the time. However, there is so much to feel good about! It’s always the littlest things that make you realise this. I think so anyway.

🙂 H x

All blog posts can be found at https://www.harrietmills.co.uk/ and to read my published work visit my portfolio.

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Writing

A lock down anthology: when this is all over…

The other day I made time to sit down and read through Writing Magazine. Inside was a lovely idea from Jan Moran Neil for a lock down anthology. It will be called When this is all over… she welcomes a selection of poetry and prose of no more than 200 words. ‘Your thoughts, wishes, hopes, reflections on this time.’ janmoranneil.co.uk/blog

Here’s mine…

When this is all over I will appreciate more. A trip to town, a mini-break at the beach, a hug, a social gathering, dinner with those you see the most, and dinner with those you see the least. I will certainly notice nature a lot more and allow it to bring me much happiness whenever I am down. The natural and pure. Children and mothers, wildlife, the trees, birds, grasses blowing in summer breeze, colours of lavender fields and smells of pollen.

I will enjoy sleep because I now know what it is to be deprived of it. On days when I feel on top form and full of energy I will give thanks, for so long I have been run down during lock down. Clear skin showing my radiance as oposed to spotty stress. A spring in my step and a smile on my face rather than clumping along with a frown.

Never again will I moan about slowness under pressure while waiting in queues. Instead I will understand the meaning of pressure and give the staff a break. I will try not to worry about money. I will endeavour to be kind.

When this is all over I will appreciate the freedom we can so easily be denied. Lock down 2020 – back to basics, simplicity and a love for life.

Now try yours…

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Writing

2020 – an update

I’m chuckling to myself at how particular I am. I must tell you this before I begin. With everything from timings to activities and how I undertake them, I have to have everything just so. Maybe something is wrong with me? I don’t really care.

Granted I have work at 10 so my free time is restricted and therefore setting my alarm for a series of time slots in which I can get different things done is a necessity. However, it does make me laugh. NEVER HAVE ENOUGH TIME!

NB: This was Monday morning, not today.

7am – I woke up. Allowed half an hour to enjoy a hot cup of coffee (a rarity) before reading under the light of my bedside lamp for just over half an hour. Subconsciously, I got up, turned my bedside lamp off and big light on, window open to hear the birds and the breeze, another coffee and a flapjack for fuel and then it was writing time!

My writing…

My writing has been going ok lately despite everything that is happening. I am behind with the constant that is my second novel and also the plans for a third, lock down novel, but I am managing to keep up with prioritising.

My second proof came first and that has been sent off. Hoorah! My blog must continue, so here I am. This week’s to-do list includes more work on my two novels as well as reading up to date my writing magazines which have been somewhat neglected. Oops. It is crazy how much I used to fit onto my to-do list (and complete) each week pre-covid19.

Social…

My social life even nudged me to stay awake and out past 10:30pm on a Saturday night this weekend! I visited friends in a town about half an hour from where I live and it’s the furthest I’ve been since 23rd March. It felt good to drive and blast out the tunes and it was only the forth time I’ve left my village in this debarcle.

I even incorporated a drive-through dinner into this trip which was both bloody brilliant and bloody awful. I arrived glancing at the queue for McDonald’s and KFC to find them both very similar in hugeness. My friend asked for Popcorn chicken so I committed to KFC. Seconds later, the McDonald’s queue moved rapidly on to the point that hardly anyone was in it so I immediately regretted my decision but I’d committed so I had to wait it out.

The rain hammered onto my windscreen as we all edged along slowly nearing the entrance. I read the sign saying that there was a reduced menu and steam starting coming out of my ears when I imagined the result if Popcorn chicken wasn’t on this reduced menu. It was. Thankfully. All was ok. Half an hour later I left for the road.

I also experienced Tesco for the first time since lock down, in fact my first supermarket experience, or one of queuing outside a store that you’d, pre-covid19, have walked happily in to. It wasn’t so bad. Apparently restrictions have eased so I can’t imagine how it once was.

Work…

Work continues to drain us of energy and come 5pm only beer will get us through, but it’s all fun and games right? We’ll look back one day and be proud.

But it’s all good…

The birds continue to sing, nature still impresses and good things are everywhere admist the worry of the future.

You just gotta keep on keeping on…as they say…

H

X

For links to all of my writing related stuff, my link tree is below. You can also find published work in my portfolio. My debut novel, Dear Brannagh, is available on Amazon along with the sequel Don’t Tell Jack. If you enjoy what you’re seeing here and are interested in following me on my writing journey, then please subscribe to my newsletter by dropping your name and email. There will be plenty of giveaways, news hot off the press and an honest insight into life as an author. Thank you x

linktr.ee/HJMWriting

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Writing

In a year I would say

I have listened to so many podcasts lately. Mostly to pass the time but also to settle my mind away from work and the current world situation. Therefore, I can’t remember on which I heard this suggestion but it was of someone talking about writing themselves a letter, a year on.

I have thought about it a lot lately: What advice would I give?

In a year I would definitely say worry less.

This will probably continue for some years because I have been telling myself to worry less forever now. I worry about everything. From how I left a conversation, to basic manners, to taking something someone said and blowing it way out of proportion, to where I am going to be in ten years time. I’m a born worrier but some day I hope things will improve, with age…like wine!

“Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.”

Next year I would probably say appreciate now.

Living in the moment is something we all fail at sometimes and something that is so healthy for the soul. We can’t change the future. Plans are good but never certain. I notice that when I do stop and appreciate the very moment I am living in a sense of relief and happiness always washes over me.

Don’t judge before you know.

Again, this is an important thing that I tell myself quite frequently and something I hope I get better at in time. It’ll be so much less of a headache for me. When I get wound up about somebody’s actions, it helps when I stop and think about how little I know about them. Even those you think you know best may be struggling with something that you don’t have a clue about. It’s better for everyone and easier on your blood pressure levels to appreciate this and therefore not to judge.

See the bigger picture.

Too often I get too involved with the insides of my head. Be it worry, anger, frustration, sadness – it escalates quickly. I’ll be at work and the tiniest thing will wind me up. It then doesn’t take long for this feeling to elevate. Yet if I take a moment to ground myself and notice the bigger things around me, the issues I’m facing never seem very big at all.

I will always say you’re doing ok.

Because we are, we always are. All of us. Even when you think you aren’t, you most definitely are. Another podcast I listened to recently was an interview with Alain de Botton. He gave his beliefs with regards to stoicism and stated that the worst thing that can happen to anybody ever is death and none of us seem to have trouble dying, the physical act of it, so we’re always going to be ok. Blunt but true.

Obviously I also have much more specific and personal pieces of advice I would give to myself so I may write that in a more private letter to myself. However, I thought what a good idea this activity is and I’m sure it’ll help many of you too if you try it? It’s an interesting concept.

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Writing

I had a plan on a sunday

So in the UK the lock down is starting to be eased a little. All over the news there are various stories of the ways in which countries are easing things in a desperate attempt to get back to some sort of normality.

Whether I agree or disagree with each government’s approach (I honestly think it’s the hardest thing to control) we stuck by the rules and had a socially distanced barbecue planned for the weekend. This meant that it was my first Sunday with a plan in over two months. Wow.

As I showered at 1pm having done some productive things but mostly worked on my tan while reading my book in the garden, a thought came to me.

How was I rushing? How had life already come to being rushed again?

Throughout lock down my social media feeds have been swarmed with boredom but also people noticing things. Many have noticed how much time is in a day once you’re off the mad rush that is working life.

They have noticed nature, people, things about themselves that passed them by before. It has appeared as a wonderful revelation and one that most will want to stick in life post lock down. Yet, day one in getting back to some form of functioning society and I am struggling to find the time?!

Sunday is the one day a week that I get to experience lock down. For the past two months (though working a little on some) my Sunday’s have noticably been the slowest day of the week.

I have enjoyed slow mornings. Getting up slowly has been luxurious and enjoying a warm beverage before it has turned cold due to me becoming preoccupied with a matter of higher priority at work has been great. It really is the little things

It has been liberating to realise that I don’t know what time it is or where I have left my phone or having no limits to an acceptable time to relax with a large glass of red.

Even on mornings when I have crammed lots of writing and reading and planning in, feeling positive and productive, I will look at the clock to find it is only midday.

Truthfully, Sunday’s have become a beautifully happy blur like that feeling in between tipsy and drunk. You don’t quite know what’s going on and you’re gradually beginning to lose control, but it feels just lovely.

There I was on a Sunday with a plan. For the first time I had to rush. I had an hour to get ready and still struggled. My day suddenly felt exceedingly short.

I consider myself fairly organised and good with time management but there I was, failing. I’m not too sure how it happened, but maybe life post lock down won’t be slower.

Maybe modern life and the way we’ve shaped it can’t be slower. Or maybe we just need to find time amidst the chaos to give ourselves a mini lock down experience in stopping, appreciating, noticing and loving life.

[inserts hands in air emoji]

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn’t it?

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Stories Writing

In a crazy world where good things happen.

12.

Ever tried to write two novels at one time? I think I may have just taken on the challenge.

Initially I struggled to find the time to read during lock down, let alone write. Work has been so busy and my breaks were mostly spent coming to terms with what just happened. As if I’d been hit by something very hard and my whole perception knocked right out of whack.

Eventually I gave up trying to understand everything going on in the world and instead dedicated most of my time in my breaks to reading. That way my brain can shut off completely. It’s a great escape, particularly when the books I am reading are brilliant.

I finished Marian Keyes’ latest novel Grown Ups at the weekend and loved every page. Now I have started The Butterfly Room by Lucinda Riley and I am really enjoying it. It’s set locally to me in Southwold, Suffolk, so I can relate to the place (somewhere I’d love to be right now) and I can also relate to some of the characters as well.

While reading just now I came up with an idea for another novel. A total light bulb moment and a very cliche way to say my novel began if ever I am interviewed about my work.

I tried to find a way to entwine it into the novel I’m half way into writing, but it simply wouldn’t work. They are too different. So, I started a note page on my phone and when I next find time (difficult, but I will make it happen) I’m going to attempt to juggle writing two novels at once.

Lock down is doing wonders for my inspiration! Watch this space . . .

For links to all of my writing related stuff, my link tree is below. You can also find published work in my portfolio. My debut novel, Dear Brannagh, is available on Amazon along with the sequel Don’t Tell Jack. If you enjoy what you’re seeing here and are interested in following me on my writing journey, then please subscribe to my newsletter by dropping your name and email. There will be plenty of giveaways, news hot off the press and an honest insight into life as an author. Thank you x

linktr.ee/HJMWriting

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations

Isolation: best of a bad situation 1-3

As with all of my Covid-19 related posts, I am trying to keep things as upbeat as possible. While I feel I haven’t properly experienced lock down due to being a key worker and work being busier than ever, I fully understand how people can find it difficult.

Of course I miss things. I miss being able to pop out without purpose. To mill around the shops without anything urgent to buy and while away minutes, sometimes longer, just mooching. Allowing my mind to completely switch off from work and, and, well life.

I miss popping to the pub for a quick livener and then stumbling out however many hours later having chatted utter rubbish all afternoon and into the evening. Not remembering a thing with those I’ll never forget.

I miss going out for dinner and lunch. The other day my friend showed me a receipt from a place we have been quite recently, just before the lock down was enforced in fact, and we stopped for a minute just missing normal life. I hate to think of how these small businesses must be suffering.

I miss family and friends who I’ve not seen and the social plans that have been cancelled due to this awfulness. I feel so bad for those who have had to cancel or postpone big plans that they have eagerly awaited for so long and worked hard to make just right.

I have found, particularly on Saturday afternoons after a week of it (so tiredness probably doesn’t help matters), that I have been way more emotional. I have worried about everything way more. I have found myself feeling sad and then taking a nap so that the feeling can’t worsen.

I could continue but, as I said at the start, I want to focus on the good.

I have also found peace in many things and it has felt good. Here are just a few… finding the best in a bad situation ideas 1 to 3.

Podcasts

Podcasts are very similar to books in that they allow that same escapism while feeling like I’m doing something useful. I learn a lot from Podcasts. Currently I am addicted to Dawn O’Porter’s new series Dawn O’pod. I don’t listen as soon as they are released as I haven’t the time in the week but on Sunday’s I make a point of catching up and it’s lovely. Yesterday, I found the Dear Dawn very relatable and it made me feel so much better after hearing that other women think the way that I do.

Noticing things

Pre lock down I evaluated more than I noticed. I still do, but before this lock down I did it a whole lot more. Hear me out. I analyse my every move. If I didn’t say “thank you” at the right time I will beat myself up about it for ages afterwards. I assess how polite I was always. Judge how I held myself. Ensure I did everything correctly to the social norms. When I leave someone’s home. After every conversation. Every encounter. When alone and just thinking about my life, possibly comparing to others, possibly not. It’s exhausting.

Recently I have found myself still doing it, but being able to (mostly) shut my brain off and instead notice. Noticing the birds, nature, my surroundings. Noticing my life and what a huge bunch of beautiful souls I have in it. Noticing smells of flowers and the warmth of the sun. More than usual. I guess it’s the same practice as meditating and being in the moment. It really helps.

Red Wine

My drinking throughout this craziness has, like so many others out there, got out of hand. But, hey. Red wine makes me happy. I know drinking anything alcoholic has this effect after the first few sips. That buzz that fills you and the sensation of total relaxation, especially after a long day (my reason for drinking every day).

Isolation, or what of it I’ve experienced, has made me notice that the same buzz happens with red wine but on a heightened scale making me exceedingly happy and relaxed. You probably already know this but if you’re not already a red wine drinker, trust me and give it a try.

These certainly don’t exhaust my list of best bits during lock down and things to help those struggling, but they are some of the things I have found help in a positive way during these desperate times. There will be more so watch this space.

I hope you can take ideas from this new blog series and that they help you too if needed xoxo

H

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Stories

In a crazy world where good things happen.

2.

Pasta. Rice. Toilet Rolls. Kitchen Rolls. Tissues in general. Plain Flour. Self-raising flour. Dishwasher Tablets. Fairy Liquid. Hand Soap. Cereal. Granulated Sugar. Icing Sugar. Caster Sugar. Baking Powder. Bicarbonate Soda. Tea Bags. RICH TEA BISCUITS.

What next?

These are all items that we, in a little shop, have struggled to get hold of. I don’t know first hand as I haven’t experienced supermarkets during this crisis, but I have heard and seen pictures of similar situations there. The wholesalers are the same. It’s mad.

It even scares me how low alcohol supplies are getting. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it…*PANIC PANIC PANIC*

I’m enjoying day two of isolation. It is 11:45am and I am still in pyjamas and in bed. I have left twice. Once at 5am (thanks to my, now one year old, pup) and once a little later to have a cuppa and hot cross bun downstairs.

I’m not one bit embarrassed to admit this.

Mostly I have been reading – Grown Ups by Marian Keyes, it’s brilliant, check it out, I simply cannot put it down!!! – but also thinking up good things about the times we are living in. Trying desperately to steer clear of the negatives. This brings me onto another story. Numero 2. This one is less of a story but more of a general selection of many stories.

It’s the little things.

The prime focus is my boss and lovely friend. As well as teaching me many lessons in life about seeing the good in everything, there is no such thing as can’t, and there is always a reason for one more glass of wine (just to name a few important ones), I have always known she is wise and has a plan to solve any given situation.

Recently she has not failed to amaze.

Many people, from all walks of life, more than usual have been coming into the shop. People who didn’t even know about it have diverted our way in order to avoid the lengthy queues at supermarkets.

Each new customer welcomed by us, looking for their own selection of essentials, not one expecting us to stock the nation wide now rare products listed above. Who’d have thought it?

They’ve not met our Kaf and her wisdom. Now they are thanking her wise Irish ways!

While the wholesalers are still lacking in all of the above, catering sized is the way forward.

Yes, from the genius of Kathy’s brain we now spend our days measuring out and bagging up kilo bags of flour, kilo bags of rice, 500g bags of pasta, 80 Yorkshire Tea Bags, finish dishwasher tablets, and even filling water bottles with fairy liquid. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Needs must, Kathy is a gem and many happy people leave with more than expected. Great. Good work.

…another happy story during terrible times.

For links to all of my writing related stuff, my link tree is below. You can also find published work in my portfolio. My debut novel, Dear Brannagh, is available on Amazon along with the sequel Don’t Tell Jack. If you enjoy what you’re seeing here and are interested in following me on my writing journey, then please subscribe to my newsletter by dropping your name and email. There will be plenty of giveaways, news hot off the press and an honest insight into life as an author. Thank you x

linktr.ee/HJMWriting

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations

This week I vow to find my personality

I am writing the first part of this blog post today, Sunday, after a week where tiredness has sucked every sense of personality out of me. I will check back in on Wednesday before posting this to see how I am getting on.

Something Dawn O’Porter wrote on her Patreon recently really resonated with me. She said: ‘Today was hard. My energy levels were zero. My personality was zero. My willingness to at least try, was zero. I really struggled.’

One of the many things that I admire about NHS workers, with the horrific shift patterns, is their energy. Aside from their incredible knowledge and skill set, their energy and enthusiasm through it all is amazing.

Never have I seen a miserable nurse, a pissed off paramedic or an impatient Doctor. It’s just not in their nature.

This past week I have found that tiredness has overruled. I’m usually smiling, at work anyway. I have to be. I work with people. Nobody wants a misery guts making them a sandwich or helping them post a parcel. I usually feel energetic and enthusiastic to help even the nuisance customers. I have a lot of patience, on the outside, and I mean it when I say thank you. Last week this was not the case.

Nurses and doctors and everything in between are tired. Of course they are. They spend their working days saving lives. I never see them crumbling to this, outwardly showing how they inwardly feel.

This week I vow to find my personality again.

To not let tiredness win. To overrule and be happy. To smile even if inside I am screaming. To find energy in any way that I can. To appreciate everything and to not put much time into negativity.

Monday arrived and I still had a bee in my bonnet. I was not having it and I couldn’t shake my negative way of being. Conversations seemed meaningless. I couldn’t even try. Everything got to me and I wondered if I would ever be the same again.

Gradually the day got better and the large gin at the end of it gave me some upbeat energy but anger still filled me. Mostly.

Tuesday came and it was like I’d been drip fed amphetamines through the night. It was lovely.

I woke up with so much more energy, ready to converse with even the slowest, dullest in society. I was working better, my brain made more sense and putting the increasing numbers of orders together didn’t feel like solving an algebra equation.

I was joking, genuinely laughing, really smiling and not getting down about tiny little nagging things. These brushed over me like the wind. I didn’t even meditate!!!!

Of course the day wasn’t perfect. Nothing ever is. Frustration came in ebs and flows and I began to think that over-tiredness and being overworked was starting to get to us all.

Yet this was mixed with laughter. Meaningless, squiffy overtired laughter but so much laughter. I felt alive again.

Wednesday morning (today) has been welcomed with a much needed lie in, a read, a slow get up and a hearty breakfast (Spaghetti hoops on toasts counts as hearty in these desperate times).

I’m feeling tired, but I’m feeling good and ready to get through another day helping others get through these terrible times.