Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations

If the dilemma is other’s opinions, it’s not your dilemma

After four long months I have finally spent a weekend at the beach – yipee! Oh how I loved it. I’ve written about this magical place before and each time I visit, I grow to love it more. The peaceful feeling, the space, freedom, chilled vibes, everything that makes life great.

From the moment I turn on my ignition in my car, I smile from within every time I go to this place. The journey is part of the bliss and I treasure every second. Sometimes I choose to listen to my favourite music, sometimes I let Spotify choose and other times it’s podcasts or a chat show that I am feeling more. This time I chose podcasts – On Wednesday’s We Drink Wine. Check it out.

The podcast is very new to the mix and is hosted by Made In Chelsea stars Sophie Habboo and Melissa Tattum. The girls basically chat and drink wine. It does what it says on the tin and because they are the same age as me and love wine as much as me, I knew I could relate. I wasn’t wrong.

As they go they have certain features that will appear in each episode and one of these features is a dilemma section. During this they each pick a dilemma that a listener has sent in. Mostly these are relationship related because, let’s face it, that’s what’s on many 26 year old/ humans minds often and they respond with their opinions on the situation. I agreed with most. It was easy listening.

Then it struck me.

Do I have a dilemma?

I’m 26 years old and haven’t experienced many of these struggles faced. Boyfriends wanting open relationships, not posting me on social media, feeling so jealous that I could kill and so on.

Is that my dilemma? Should I ask them about it?

Then I stopped and asked myself if I am happy. The answer is yes. I then went further and asked how I would put it to them. Every time I tried to phrase it, the dilemma part of the situation was all down to other people’s opinions. Because people might find me weird; because it isn’t normal to be single for so long; because guys may question my motive if I were to find someone I felt I wanted to be in a long-term relationship with; because I won’t have anything to bring to the table when girl friends moan about their fellas. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Am I happy? Yes. Is this my dilemma? No.

If the problem becomes a problem purely based on other people’s opinions and when you remove that factor it is no longer a problem, then it was never YOUR problem in the first place.

FACT. IMO of course 😉

For links to all of my writing related stuff, my link tree is below. My debut novel, Dear Brannagh, is OUT NOW!!

https://linktr.ee/HJMWriting

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Writing

My writing and me

I write for all sorts of reasons.

It might be to get something off my chest; to keep a record of my days; to entertain others; to remember what I need to buy from the supermarket; an idea that turns into a short story and everything in between. Writing is everywhere for me and a very useful tool in so many ways.

I was writing my diary earlier and loved the fact that my words weren’t going to be published anywhere. They weren’t for social media, nor were they to be put in a novel or a blog post. Instead they were just for me. Not that my diary entries are ever secretive, or very interesting for that matter, I just felt free in the fact that my words were for me.

On the flip side of that I love to write for others.

I get a buzz out of people engaging with my posts. I love to hear that I’ve phrased something how someone wanted to put it but couldn’t find the words. Often I feel proud or happy when I read back on a particular blog post that has gained more feedback than usual. There are even some lines in my novel that I can’t believe I wrote!

I always think long and hard about text messages. I find myself on walks feeling appreciative of friends. Then I write a message to put in a card or a text. People always need to know how valued they are and I love to tell them. Sometimes friends thank me for advice and I wonder if I was right in saying what I did. I usually think that the person seeking advice knew already they just liked how I phrased it.

I’ve written a lot of articles lately about the same thing and have welcomed the positive feedback. Articles, of course, referring to my debut novel and I don’t shut up about it! Some readers have said how my writing shows my passion or that it gripped them from the beginning and throughout.

I love and enjoy writing from others as well. Each year I keep cards from my birthday with particularly lovely messages or important notes inside. I have a friend who writes the most lovely labels on birthday presents (from the dogs) and I keep them all. Often I find myself screenshotting words on social media that I think people have put so brilliantly.

I read, LOTS.

Basically I love words. That folks is my writing and me.

For links to all of my writing related stuff, my link tree is below. My debut novel, Dear Brannagh, is OUT NOW 🙂

linktr.ee/HJMWriting

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Writing

One of those days

At the time of thinking about this blog post idea I was having one of those days. You know the kind. Behind before you’ve even started. Don’t know how you’ll fit everything in.

Since then my one of those days has turned into one of those weeks. Months even. Hence the lack of blog posts in March.

The nature of my job results in there being very rarely any spare time. Therefore when I’m asked, which I am fairly often, how I fit in my writing on top I struggle to understand it myself. I sort of finish a novel and think how did that happen? Obviously there is pressure and stress that comes with it but once I have the full manuscript written I think wow, I’m not too sure how that happened. It just does.

The trouble is that once the manuscript is complete and even published, the work doesn’t stop there. No, people need to know about your novel else how are they going to buy it?! That is where extra work comes in the form of social media posts, blogs, newspaper and magazine articles and everything in between.

This day was one of those days.

I was working until close but had been asked to write an article. My close is 5:30pm. The deadline for the article was 6pm. Latest.

EEK.

As usual my mind was going mad with ideas and my notes app on my phone were getting well used. This is the norm. Even after a random conversation I might get an idea for a blog post or even a novel and have to note it down before I forget. This becomes slightly difficult when I’ve had a few glasses of wine and I have to translate my badly spelled sentences.

Anyway.

Among serving customers and generally doing everything that work entails in a day that is too short (every day is too short) I came up with the bones of an article. I think we finished with about ten minutes to spare so I opened my laptop and typed faster than ever before.

Thank God for spell check.

All blog posts can be found at https://www.harrietmills.co.uk/ and to read my published work visit my portfolio. My debut novel, Dear Brannagh, is out now.

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations

As good as it gets – the supermarket

We are all very used to the idea of a trip to the supermarket being as good as it gets. Especially for the past few months it has been about all we have been legitimately allowed to do. No longer do conversations go:

“How was your week off?”

“Great, we went to Spain. It was fab.”

Instead they are more like:

“What have you been up to?”

“Quite a lot actually, I went to B&M followed by Tesco. I might pop into Sainsbury’s later.”

I know my weekly trip out of my village mostly involves a supermarket visit, collecting bits for elderly customers that we don’t sell at the shop, gathering my weekly supply of wine, seeing what other unhealthy snacks I can add to my growing stock. I’ll never lose those lockdown pounds!

It’s thrilling.

I remember in lockdown number one a year ago I went out to the supermarket for the first time after five weeks of not leaving my village. My days were just work, wine, sleep and repeat. My car somehow started which goes against all of the problems I have had with the battery since and off I went down the road. It felt so peculiar driving, leaving the village and then going in the supermarket for the first time with COVID restrictions.

Before this trip I’d never experienced queuing to get in, only entering on a green light and sanitising my hands, keys, phone and trolley before setting foot through the door. Now it is all so familiar.

However, the other day I drove to a supermarket slightly further away so that my car got a bit more of a run (battery lockdown problems) and I felt flat about going to the supermarket.

The trip that for so long has been a release. That which has been headspace away from work. A task that isn’t that difficult. No major thinking is required yet I felt flat, unwilling and totally couldn’t be bothered to trudge around yet another selection of aisles getting the same old goods and abiding by all the extra rules.

It felt difficult. I was lost. My mind was freaking out about the check tyre pressure sign coming up on my car when usually I’d just register it and carry on. It felt like the biggest problem. For a second I hated this way of living.

Mostly I’m of the opinion that everyone is in the same boat and we’re all in it together. You know, all of Bojo’s slogans in one. But on this day I felt a hint of frustration and anger. Pointless but true. I think it got on top of me and then I couldn’t find the Kievs!

So that’s my story of a recent mini meltdown. I’m writing it to you all for no other reason that to connect with others who have also experienced temporary inner screaming matches relating to this pandemic. Sometimes you just have to let it go…

All blog posts can be found at https://www.harrietmills.co.uk/ and to read my published work visit my portfolio. My debut novel, Dear Brannagh, is out now.

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Writing

My Editing Process

When thinking up material to put on my blog, I always think about what I would love to read as an aspiring writer. Some may find my advice incredibly boring. For some it might not work or it could be the complete opposite to what others do but this is me and this is how I edit.

So, I have 65,000+ words on a page.

I know that this has to increase. I also know that some bits must be cut in order for the end product to be of my best ability.

Firstly, I set myself a goal. I put the pressure on. This goal is therefore usually unrealistic but I make myself slightly stressed out in order to edit at my best. For example, I have just finished my second novel and I am well into the editing process on that. My end goal is the end of this month which was initially the end of last year so that the pressure remains.

Next I read through chapter by chapter and as much as if I were reading it as a novel as I possibly can. This is done on my laptop. I make changes as I go. I note down ideas on a separate document to look at later regarding the piece as a whole. This might be to check that a certain character is consistently a girl or to ensure that the timeline of events works.

Once I have completed the first read through, I turn to the trusty editor button on Microsoft Word and I complete all amendments there if I agree.

I then print it out. Bind it.

Having it nicely presented somehow helps and it also makes for a good keepsake in the future when I reminisce about past works. This is partly for my own satisfaction, but partly because I find that my brain works in an entirely different way when it reads something printed as opposed to on the screen of a laptop. It also makes for a nice and easy presented version to give to proofreaders.

I send to any proofreaders that I have in mind and keep one copy for myself to read. I read again on paper, marking in pen any changes and again filling in my notes doc on the computer.

Next I take back any proofreader copies as well as my newly changed hardcopy and make all changes.

Finally I go over my notes doc and complete all task there.

Then it goes off to the publishers.

That’s it. That is how I edit. In case you were wondering. Apologies if you weren’t!

Happy Friday all.

All blog posts can be found at https://www.harrietmills.co.uk/ and to read my published work visit my portfolio. My debut novel, Dear Brannagh, is out now.

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Writing

Where I’m at…

I couldn’t think of a blog topic this week. I think it is because my head is so busy. It makes no sense really as I’d have thought the busier my head, the more ideas flowing about. In fact it is the opposite. I have nothing.

Instead I thought it would be an interesting exercise to write down where I’m at. A stream of conscious style piece. My exact thoughts and feelings at the very moment.

Here goes…

Today I am in a good place. I’m feeling positive despite the news. Having just enjoyed a lovely cuppa accompanied by a slice of raspberry flapjack, I am feeling very content.

The week has been busy so far. We’re not even half way through and I’ve written an article for publication in a glossy mag, organised a giveaway and not completely failed at wrapping some presents on top of working full time. Not bad.

It’s birthday week. I’m feeling good about my twenty seventh trip around the sun. Being twenty five has been different to say the least. A global pandemic would make it somewhat different, obviously, but there have been plenty of good bits.

  • The summer was hotter than usual.
  • I noticed more, especially the birds and nature.
  • Appreciation has been a constant throughout.
  • My managerial development has come on.
  • I’m a published author!

Bring on twenty six.

I am on my break from work and as soon as I got in I put my sausage dog in his harness and took him for a walk. He’s in training. Though he is almost two. He gets very anxious about walking on his own. Put another person or dog into the mix and he is immediately fine but alone he is terrified. I’m trying to fix this. We didn’t get very far at all but we got further than the last time. Progress. Positive progress is what it is all about.

I have a longer break today and it is lovely. There we go with appreciation again. I’ve not had a day off in over a year which I think has made me more grateful for time off. Time out. Even just an hour to myself is total bliss.

I’m reading Us Three by Ruth Jones. It is a great escape. A huge page-turner. Perfect for these times. I have plenty of break left today so I think I’ll continue to indulge in escapism. I love reading and I love books.

There, that’s where I’m at.

All blog posts can be found at https://www.harrietmills.co.uk/ and to read my published work visit my portfolio. My debut novel, Dear Brannagh, is out now.

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations

SPRING has almost sprung and so has our gloominess

…out of the way!

Let’s face it, the past year has been full of doom and gloom. Everywhere. It has been relentless. Keyworkers are on their knees without much energy left to continue. Those who have been shielding long to see the outdoors. People on furlough are praying they still have a job at the end of it all. Dogs are praying that their owners never have to go to work again.

News. We can’t get away from it. It is the main topic of every day conversations because we don’t have much else to say. It is hard to plan because we must rely on data that we currently don’t have. We are still very much living through the pandemic.

Not only has Boris’ announcement on Monday brought a wave of optimism into this otherwise shit show, but the weather seems to have brightened with the news. Working last Saturday was almost like a spring day and I nearly didn’t take my coat with me for a dog walk after.

We all know having lived through a number of lockdown situations now that staying home in the summer is a lot more pleasant than during January and February. They are the worst months of the year in normal circumstances let alone lockdown during a global pandemic.

I think usually we aren’t aware of the sluggish feeling that comes with getting through these two months. March arrives and we instantly feel better unaware that we were feeling bad before. This year that feeling has been ever present and the thought of March and spring and sunshine and birds and being outdoors feels like heaven on earth.

Well. I’m pleased to say that this feeling certainly came a week early and the weather has boosted the country. It’s brighter, lighter, the birds are louder, people’s smiles are bigger, everyone is outside.

Long may it last!

All blog posts can be found at https://www.harrietmills.co.uk/ and to read my published work visit my portfolio. My debut novel, Dear Brannagh, is out now.

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Seasonal

Happy Love Day

Valentines day can be lovely. Huge bouquets of flowers, champagne for breakfast and a celebration of the many strong relationships out there. #couplegoals

It can also be sad, lonely and make you feel sick to the stomach. I have heard people in long term healthy relationships wretch at the gushy messages they see or extravagant presents for this commercial celebration.

I’m pretty chill about being single because for the past few years I’ve been working on myself. I now can say I feel I’m better at being me than ever. I’m happier in my own skin and not relying (too much) on others to make me happy – the healthiest way to be. Yet on valentines day afternoon I found myself avoiding social media due to the constant stream of soppy status’ and displays of perfection.

While scrolling and inwardly weeping – mostly due to the fact that my car battery was flatter than a flat thing and I had spent my entire weekend trying to fix it – I found a few gems hidden among the gush. One was from Fearne Cotton. Another from Dawn O’Porter. A third from Charlie Mackesy and all were expressing the same, wonderful idea.

‘Today I’m celebrating all the love in my life,’ said Fearne. ‘The family, the friends, the special people who turned up later down the line, the ones I can’t see or hug.’

This is just it. Everyone has a little love in their hearts. Some more than others but everyone has something. Even, heaven forbid, those who are ‘on their own’ at valentines. And this year this notion is more important than ever. I’m going to celebrate love on valentines day for years to come. Even when I’m in a relationship I will continue to think of it as a day to celebrate treasured relationships that portray, Charlie Mackesy’s words, love in all its forms.

Happy Love Day for a week ago to you all. Love wins, always.

All blog posts can be found at https://www.harrietmills.co.uk/ and to read my published work visit my portfolio. My debut novel, Dear Brannagh, is out now.

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Stories Writing

How my subconscious influences my writing

So far I have been receiving great feedback after my debut novel, Dear Brannagh, was released. In fact, so many who I least expected to enjoy it have phoned me with glowing reviews. Men and women of all ages have become gripped into the life of Mary Carter. This is everything that a writer asks for.

One particular piece of feedback that is cropping up on loop is how I have written about so many different life experiences. Ones that I’m not meant to know about aged twenty-five.

“If you were fifty,” one man said, “then fair enough. You might have been through events that you describe or know of someone close to you who has. The fact that you are only twenty-five years old makes it so much more remarkable.”

I think I just absorb. I’m a huge listener. Much like my dad. If we’re sitting at a bar we would much prefer to be listening to those telling stories rather than the spotlight being on us telling them.

Until dad gets drunk and starts with the wide mouth frog joke!

It might sound odd because I write for a living (almost) but I really do listen to everyone in all walks of life. My day job involves conversing with so many different people every day. On my travels and during university I met all sorts of people from all sorts of backgrounds. My subconscious, as with everyone, is alive and I find it fascinating how much of this comes out when writing a novel.

Of course, I interviewed people and literally asked their experience but I think that a lot of it comes from the conversations I have had in the past unknowingly being stored within my subconscious brain.

Amazing.

So often I am reading back over my work and I can pinpoint where certain phrases or analagies come from. For example, I can remember giving my fingers a break once while writing about Mary struggling over the loss of her mum. She twiddles her ring on her finger as I did but for a very different reason.

It is very fascinating indeed.

All blog posts can be found at https://www.harrietmills.co.uk/ and to read my published work visit my portfolio. My debut novel, Dear Brannagh, is out now.

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Recommendations

My Lockdown day

I haven’t really experienced lockdown in true stay-at-home-for-days-weeks-months-on-end style. I go to work six days a week, try to lay in on my one day off and usually wake up at 5 a.m. due to my body’s inability to break the routine. Today (it is a Sunday, I am writing this on a Sunday but when I post it most probably won’t be a Sunday) I questioned whether I would have enough time if I were to experience true lockdown. Enough time to fit everything in.

I say this partly in jest as I do realise that many people out there are seriously struggling with the endless hours during the never-ending weeks of lockdown 3, but today was an example of me adoring some time to myself.

I had already decided, having sent off my second novel to the publishers mid-week, that I wasn’t going to pick up my laptop and do anything regarding further editing of said novel or writing of the third. In fact, I wasn’t going to do any writing at all and here I am…

Blogs are fun and the ideas buzz around my head like an irritating fly so sometimes I just have to get them down.

I digress.

Today was going to be a day for me. I finished work at around 5 p.m. yesterday evening and chilled out with beers and Saturday night TV. Just before bed, as is often the case, my head began to spin with ideas of things to do on my Sunday off.

Throughout the week I always see things on social media etc that I note down to watch or listen to. It might be a podcast, a video interview, an article, a book, a film, a TV programme… I rarely find the time in the week and if I begin watching in the evening I have usually had too many wines to stay awake and finish watching/ listening/ reading anyway.

My list for this Sunday went something like this:

  • A video interview by Dawn O’Porter with Kate Winslet (Conversations at home SAG-AFTRA Foundation, I found on her Patreon channel)
  • A video interview by Dawn O’Porter with Jason Segel (Conversations at home SAG-AFTRA Foundation, again on her Patreon channel)
  • Finish reading Demi Moore’s Inside Out, a memoir
  • An interview with Marian Keyes on Laura Whitmore’s BBC 5 Live show (Found on BBC Sounds App)
  • An hour on the exercise bike (needed)
  • Two walks

I mean, I’ve done it! I loved every single moment of it. Yet when walking with my sister this morning and listing aloud all that I planned to do that day, I never thought I would complete it. Chill, I kept inwardly telling myself. Chill out and stop cramming so much in.

I love days like this becasue I consume lots. I learn lots. Even if I’m not consciously listening or watching I somehow take it in. Exercise makes me feel good especially when I have the time. And none of it – NONE OF IT – is work or pandemic related. Everything is removed from my life but also enhances it. It gives me such a sense of meaningful escape.

I have no other reason for writing this post other than to give others some good suggestions of material to consume while in lockdown. That and the idea for this post was running over in my head on loop so I needed to get it down.

During this week, in my continuation of listening to Laura Whitmore’s podcast, Castaway while on the exercise bike, I have also added Emma Gannon’s Ctrl Alt Delete (podcast) and In Writing with Hattie Crisell (podcast) for all my fellow writers.

You are welcome.

All blog posts can be found at https://www.harrietmills.co.uk/ and to read my published work visit my portfolio. My debut novel, Dear Brannagh, is out now.