Tag: life

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Adulthood Non-fiction Observations

I’m not crying, you are – Adulthood in a nutshell

I have a dear friend who always says about the importance of a good cry and no better time than the present for this to ring true. NB: This isn’t a negative post but more celebrating the goodness crying does for us all.

Being a girl, I am obviously aware of the feeling of wanting to cry for no reason. Of feeling so low like a dark cloud has come over me but nothing actually being wrong. But never before have I felt so overwhelmed as I have done recently and actually cried in the middle of the day without anyone noticing, brushed it off and got on with my day.

I now know how adults do it and can really appreciate the importance of a good cry.

Whether I can put it down to the pressures of work during this pandemic and the sheer overwhelming feeling of watching two seconds of the news, I don’t know. It certainly started during this time and in fact I’ve found it easier to cope knowing that it’s global and everyone is in the same boat.

I’ve always seen adults as so strong, but now I feel more they have to disguise their weakness. Yet crying isn’t week but more healthy.

The other day I cried in the middle of the day, cried whilst getting into my night clothes ready to enjoy the evening and cried on a mini dog walk with the happiest dog there is. Why? I’ve no idea, but boy did I feel fabulous afterwards.

As I’m getting older I certainly cry more but in a different way. When crying to release I feel stronger rather than ashamed. I cry in appreciation more and feel sincere rather than embarrassed. I cry at films and books and feel engrossed.

Crying is like the natural way of getting that first sip of wine after a stressful day. It’s like releasing your body of all tension and for a second before life starts again you feel totally and utterly free. A way of your body performing a huge sigh. Those breathing exercises so frequently performed during meditation that feel brilliant.

It’s SO GOOD. And so healthy.

I now fully understand anyone who tells me how important crying is.

All blog posts can be found at https://www.harrietmills.co.uk/ and to read my published work visit my portfolio. My debut novel, Dear Brannagh, is out 30th November:

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Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations

Some things I’ve learnt in the pandemic…

This year is so strange, isn’t it? When it all began I was so sure it’d be over by now. Instead, I’m chilling with my dog, listening to it all over the news and not allowed into my bedroom because my sister is working from home. This virtual existence is odd. A new job and she’s hardly met any of her colleagues…so so odd.

Trying my best to cling tightly onto the good bits, here are some lessons I’ve learnt during the pandemic.

1. How to complain

And I’m getting so good at it. Back when things were normal I was the worlds worst at complaints. I would cower and crumble within seconds and then retract my complaint and allow companies to walk all over me.

Fast forward to the ‘new normal’ and I’m shit hot at complaining. Everyone just blames COVID-19 and while I sympathise to a certain extent, there HAS to be a line. Poor service is poor service and I’m rocking the complaints!

2. How lucky I am

This is always a good thing to remember but this pandemic has highlighted it hugely for me. My life has been busy, work takes over my days and my dreams at night, I’m tired, haven’t done much at all and don’t wish to for fear I’d have to self isolate for 2 weeks which just isn’t feasible. However walking home the other day from an hour at my friends drinking wine and watching the dogs play, i just reminded myself of how truly lucky I am. It was raining. Pouring. But still I felt so so lucky.

3. I’m a sucker for sales

Let’s face it, I’m not spending money on anything else. I was the first to blow £50 with ease at the pub on my way home from another expense. This has stopped. At the beginning I was frequently bulk buying wine. This is still the case but I’m finding myself receiving parcels in the post and then a light switch goes off in my head and I vaguely remember ordering another thing I don’t need online (blame the wine).

4. Healthy life style living in countryside

I have 100% gained COVID pounds and the scales are becoming less liked daily. I don’t get it. At Christmas each year I work stupid hours at a rate of knots, still drink gallons of alcohol and always, ALWAYS lose half a stone or more. This year is different.

In attempt to help the situation I’m doing little things in walking a longer way to work to get the steps in, always making sure I exercise more on my day off and trying to (mostly) eat better. While I’m still drinking too much wine which is something I’m not yet ready to sacrifice, I do feel healthier for these tiny efforts. Each time I walk I feel thankful for the health benefits of living in the countryside and I take in that extra clean country air.

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Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Writing

Less time, more grateful

There’s no doubt about it, this year has denied us all of time. I’m currently watching the news and feel it is never ending. France now on the quarantine list. The Netherlands. We’ve got to grip onto any positivity.

As lock down eases, I am certainly feeling more and more grateful for the time I have.

For about three months my life was like groundhog day. It still is to a certain extent, but I am now able to do a lot more (and not feel guilty about leaving the house) on my days off. Or should I say day and a half. Well, now we are opening longer on Saturdays it really is one day.

While I get tired and stressed about where I can fit in any writing, I am quickly realising that any free time I have is precious and I am constantly learning how to spend it better. I won’t feel guilty if my entire two hour break is spent with my nose in my book. Sometimes I manage to read, listen to a podcast and write a few words of my next book. On those days I am winning but sometimes one thing is enough and I will just relax and read. I even watched a glimpse of daytime TV the other day. No guilt.

On Sunday, while loving life and deeply appreciating time to myself and away from work, I still found myself fighting against a ticking clock. How? I had one plan to meet friends at 4pm. 4pm. I had hours to fill.

A deep sleep and a bit of reading in the early morning led to a speedy shower and rushing all the morning routine before leaving the house. Tesco time was limited as I had also planned a walk in the arvo. Lunch was deliciously fast and my beer was interrupted by being needed elsewhere. The walk was speedy (it was bloody hot) but lovely and drinks went on all night.

My night ended with the words “Harriet, you’ve got to be up in 5 hours!!!!” and onto the week ahead, speedy gonzales.

It is so true that this life is too fast paced and we cram so much in. It is also true that knowing we have less time leads to being more grateful, so grateful for the time that we have.

🙂

H x

All of my blog posts can be found at https://www.harrietmills.co.uk/ and to read my published work visit my portfolio.

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Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Stories

Week Review – I’m excited to walk again

If anyone read my snippet from last week or knows me personally, you’ll know all about burn-gate and the story of how I managed to get myself a second degree burn. All medical folk I spoke to or showed said I should’ve gone straight to A&E. It was BAD.

Fast forward a week and I am (almost) back to normal and feeling very lucky/ proud of my body for recovering so well. And grateful to my nurse friends for fixing me!

Due to burn-gate, life temporarily stopped towards the end of last week. The heat didn’t help. By Saturday morning I was physically at work. I was physically there but unable to do a great deal due to hardly being able to walk. My pain was all that was on my mind. That and how on earth I managed to spill a boiling coffee over my lap????!!!!!

The weekends plans were pretty much non-existent. I lay there feeling very sorry for myself. When my siblings were heading off on a walk I so wanted to join them! My friend had assessed my wound and was very happy with how it was healing, but advised very strongly against going for the walk. I had to take her advice, if a nurse tells you not to, then don’t. Especially knowing the pain of the previous day.

So I stayed home, sulked and drank beer. But my gosh am I glad I did because as of yesterday I removed the dressing and now burn-gate is almost closed!

I’m so excited to walk again this weekend.

All of my blog posts can be found at https://www.harrietmills.co.uk/ and to read my published work visit my portfolio.

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Writing

Thoughts and feels

For the past two days I’ve been dragging myself along, frankly pissed off about how quickly the weekend went by. Did we even have one?!

I frequently long for a week off, a long weekend or even just a day to get away from this madness…and then I watched the news. BIG mistake.

It’s all such doom and gloom, so terrifying. Despite keeping going for the duration so far, yesterday it got to me a bit.

Yet today is a new one and this morning it’s those little things that have got me going. The sunshine, an hour longer in bed, a proper shower with time to pluck my eyebrows and take time with my make up – am I on holiday?!

I have work in just over an hour but wanted to share this snippet with you. It’s hard at the moment to feel good all the time. However, there is so much to feel good about! It’s always the littlest things that make you realise this. I think so anyway.

🙂 H x

All blog posts can be found at https://www.harrietmills.co.uk/ and to read my published work visit my portfolio.

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Writing

I had a plan on a sunday

So in the UK the lock down is starting to be eased a little. All over the news there are various stories of the ways in which countries are easing things in a desperate attempt to get back to some sort of normality.

Whether I agree or disagree with each government’s approach (I honestly think it’s the hardest thing to control) we stuck by the rules and had a socially distanced barbecue planned for the weekend. This meant that it was my first Sunday with a plan in over two months. Wow.

As I showered at 1pm having done some productive things but mostly worked on my tan while reading my book in the garden, a thought came to me.

How was I rushing? How had life already come to being rushed again?

Throughout lock down my social media feeds have been swarmed with boredom but also people noticing things. Many have noticed how much time is in a day once you’re off the mad rush that is working life.

They have noticed nature, people, things about themselves that passed them by before. It has appeared as a wonderful revelation and one that most will want to stick in life post lock down. Yet, day one in getting back to some form of functioning society and I am struggling to find the time?!

Sunday is the one day a week that I get to experience lock down. For the past two months (though working a little on some) my Sunday’s have noticably been the slowest day of the week.

I have enjoyed slow mornings. Getting up slowly has been luxurious and enjoying a warm beverage before it has turned cold due to me becoming preoccupied with a matter of higher priority at work has been great. It really is the little things

It has been liberating to realise that I don’t know what time it is or where I have left my phone or having no limits to an acceptable time to relax with a large glass of red.

Even on mornings when I have crammed lots of writing and reading and planning in, feeling positive and productive, I will look at the clock to find it is only midday.

Truthfully, Sunday’s have become a beautifully happy blur like that feeling in between tipsy and drunk. You don’t quite know what’s going on and you’re gradually beginning to lose control, but it feels just lovely.

There I was on a Sunday with a plan. For the first time I had to rush. I had an hour to get ready and still struggled. My day suddenly felt exceedingly short.

I consider myself fairly organised and good with time management but there I was, failing. I’m not too sure how it happened, but maybe life post lock down won’t be slower.

Maybe modern life and the way we’ve shaped it can’t be slower. Or maybe we just need to find time amidst the chaos to give ourselves a mini lock down experience in stopping, appreciating, noticing and loving life.

[inserts hands in air emoji]

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn’t it?

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations Writing

Since when did our world get so busy?

Since when did our world get so busy? Since when did we struggle to find time? Time has always been the same length. So tell me, what happened to mine?

Since when did we start having to set reminders; to text back, to wake up, to go out to dinner, to put things away. How did life get too manic that when we finally manage to stop we don’t know what to say.

Since when did we wish for things to slow down so much that we get home and lock the doors just to escape for a while.

If someone asks us to help out in the evening, we struggle to find the energy to go that extra mile.

Since when did work engulf us and every other aspect just have to fit in? To the point where we have to book a holiday and force ourselves, force ourselves to give in.

Since technology, since globalization, since everything got faster and easier and more complicated.

All these wonderful developments in this wonderful world that are all going to end up simply hated.

It has forced us to speed up, it has forced us to cram everything into the shortest spaces of time. It has forced us to find ways out to a simpler life and a bit of peace of mind.

Sometimes, just sometimes, take a slo-mo moment from your day. Perhaps don’t even stop just slow down and notice all the good around you in so many ways.

Notice friends, notice nature, notice family, notice pets, notice sounds, notice how it feels to be alive.

It is almost too much, so often too much, but what most of us want is easy and for easy we must strive.

Categories
Adulthood Non-fiction Observations

Things adulthood forces you to do:

Adulthood. A whirlwind. While we’re all tirelessly trying to get by with the notion of an alcoholic beverage at the end of each day, I thought I’d cheer everybody up by showing that you’re not alone. Here are things that adulthood forces us all to do (I’m sure of it). I really hope I’m not the only one.

Set an alarm for a fifteen minute nap

Moan about being tired

Procrastinate by doing chores to avoid other adult responsibilities

Want to go to bed earlier

Moan about being tired

Cancel on social events

Celebrate when a friend cancels on social events

Drink too much

Work so hard your eyes turn blurry

Moan about being tired

Enjoy the little things more

Appreciate the outdoors

Talk to people who bore you

Talk to pets like they are human

Do anything to shut off the mind

Keep on learning every day

Moan about being tired

Worry about the future when there’s nothing you can do about it

Feel fully satisfied after ticking three things off the to do list

Stay at the pub for “just one more”

Realise that health, happiness and love are everything

Moan about being tired

Treat half a day off as a fortnight away in paradise

Embrace those long road trips

Embrace time to yourself

Listen more

Moan about being tired

Notice the beauty of the world around us

Find yourself “just being polite” frequently

Give up on looks and focus on fun

Scream at the moon and at the waves

Enjoy life

Moan about being tired

Adulthood might be hard, tiring and testing, but it also makes up the majority of the time that most of us are lucky enough to spend on earth and it is great!

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Adulthood

Go compare, we compare

I found myself the other day reading a friends notebook. It is from thirty years ago when she was the age I am now and I was reading it on a Friday night. I was shattered from the week and had consumed enough wine to sink a large ship, but decided against the pub. There I was thirty years on and thinking “I should be out. I should be doing what she was doing in 1986. I shouldn’t be sitting in bed about to get stuck into another chapter of my book. What is wrong with me?”

Why?

I’m the worst for comparing myself to others and thinking that I should be doing this or shouldn’t be doing that, but the above scenario inspired this blog post because my thought process was ridiculous! Nobody is telling me that I should be out on a Friday night – well, they do if I stay in and tell me I should stay in if I go out – but for some reason I felt a wave of comparison wash over me.

Social media is a huge problem on this front because I could be having a lazy weekend after a hectic week at work and a long string of busy weekends when I see on my friends’ insta-stories that they’re out at some festival or a party on a boat. At that point the FOMO kicks in, bad.

Yet I never get sad when someone is engaged or upset when I hear another friend has landed themselves a cracking new job in London, so I’m certainly not saying that social media is totally to blame. No, in these circumstances I’m very happy for them being a positive take on the new virtual platform that takes up so much of our lives. It does remind me though of what I’m not doing and for a minute – occasionally longer – makes me question the route I am choosing to take so again I start to compare.

The mind is a crazy thing!

I think the message I am taking away from my thoughts is to care less (easier said than done). To care so much about others and be happy for them in everything that they do but to care less in comparison to myself.

Yes, I am 24. I love to party, I often get too drunk and fall over, I love wine, I adore day drinking in the sun and sometimes I kiss multiple guys at once or flirt with them purely to get a drink.

Madness!

However, I also love sleep, get tired, enjoy time to myself, nights in, quiet days, radio 4, reading, long drives, country music.

Basically I am human and don’t necessarily follow the crowd of my peers. Whether it is right for my age or wrong, it is what I enjoy so I am going to keep on doing it.

Most people don’t judge and mostly it is all inside my head. It’s either that or they judge to a hilarious level and one week say I should be doing one thing then the next I should be doing the total opposite.

At the end of the day, and in the words of an (very) old singer who’s song I like – it’s MY LIFE – go ahead with your own life and leave me alone!