Recently I’ve been feeling pretty flat yet frantic. Not drastically so just I’ve felt lower more often than I’ve felt like smiling. Anger has got the better of me and I feel so cross. All of the time.
My head is so busy yet sometimes so empty. My fretting of the future has been amplified. How am I meant to find ‘the one’ when I can’t freely go to the pub!?
Two people very close to me were affected by COVID-19 this week, negative tests, but affected nonetheless and it hit home. The reality sunk in.
I then look to the dogs in bed beside me not knowing what’s going on in our world and happily content in theirs. Bliss.
I find it so easy to focus only on tv dramas because the issues displayed are not my own. I can easily zone into books because they too are different worlds away from the dismay of what we are living through. People are hugging, close, enjoying pub life and restaurants without guilt. Enjoying life. Normality.
But then here on our earth there are doctors and nurses in despair. Government in chaos. Decision makers ripping their hair out. Well, any that they have left.
I try to avoid the news. It’s awful. Even for five minutes.
I turn the news on to see people literally crying for their livelihood. Never knowing when it’s going to end. People feeling awful for normal social lovely things like going for a pint or for a pizza. I want to spend a Sunday afternoon enjoying a pub cooked roast and drinking plenty of wine without a tag on to track me! It’s so odd. Everything is practically illegal.
The reality that parents are struggling to put shoes on their children’s feet and food in their mouths is everywhere. It’s a crisis. It’s scary.
I know I shouldn’t feel this way because I have so much when others have so little. I should be grateful and only that. Then I am human, this is where I’m at some of the time. I soon snap out of it but occasionally I think it’s ok to let everything get on top of you, just for one second. Especially during the times we are living through.
I’ve just skipped the frustration out of my bones ready for another day, putting a jolly face on for the public who most probably also feel similar. My favourite time of the day is 6pm, sipping on a beverage in the company of great people, thinking how truly lucky I am.
There’s not too much purpose to this post except therapy for me and hopefully reassurance for others. Hopefully I’ll read over it in 6 months to a year and be happy that things have improved. Massively hopeful.
Until next time.
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