Inspiration for another post idea came to me the other day when I noticed how much I explain myself. Not only do I constantly justify big life choices, I also find the need to reason with myself daily over the tiniest of things. The most bizarre aspect to all of this when I take time to think about it is that I haven’t a clue who I am explaining myself to.
I am the worst for worrying about anything and everything and I wish I didn’t give a damn at all but sometimes my mind takes itself off to places I don’t even know. Being young and still not entirely settled on a career, with a house and a long term relationship, which I wouldn’t want right now can I just add, I find people continuously asking what I’m doing next. Rather than giving a simple answer that they probably won’t remember anyway, I always find it necessary to give full explanations as to why I have chosen to do what I do.
In these larger scenarios of reasoning with whoever, and when I look back in reflection, I know exactly what I should do. Firstly I should sift through who actually cares and who is just making small talk. Day to day the majority of people are merely speaking for the sake of being polite and don’t care for a full explanation so that makes life somewhat easier. They usually won’t listen to your spiel anyway.
Secondly I need to ask myself if I am happy in the choices I make. If the answer is yes then so be it, who needs an explanation? Besides those who do care don’t ever need to know why.
This kind of explaining I can totally understand as frustrating as I find myself when performing the blurb. The whole time that I am speaking I am usually asking myself why I feel the need to explain and then regret it when I do as I begin to question my firm choices. The type of explaining that I don’t get is with the smaller totally insignificant things in life.
I feel I have to justify a lot of my decisions and I realise that there are many others in this camp. Why I went to the pub last night and had that extra shot of gin. Why I went to a friends house and couldn’t go to anther friends simultaneously. Why I have to explain exactly the reason for my being unable to attend social events. Why I feel the way that I feel. Why I got somebody a present when it was a simple ‘just because’. Why I spent more money than I should on clothes. Why why why.
Too often are people being judged so too often do people find the need to explain themselves. Why they waited to have children until their late thirties or chose to have them at twenty three. Perhaps they didn’t want kids at all and no explaining is required in either scenario.
Maybe they got their first tattoo at fifty four all bold on their back and visible for everybody to see. Maybe they wear shorts so short that their bum shows or a skirt so long that it becomes a trip hazard to their own feet.
They might have pink hair, a lowered car or a house full of clutter. They could spend too much time socialising so they don’t get enough sleep. They could exercise too much or not enough. Smoke and drink or not at all.
A solution to all of this would be simply in the words of John Lennon to let it be. Let everyone do what they wish, live how they wish, dress as they wish, be drunk and obnoxious as they wish then nice as pie the following day. We can get annoyed at people’s actions. We can get high almighty if we think they have made wrong decisions or need to be living a different way. In reality though it’s none of our business within reason, doesn’t affect us much and we’ll have a lot less stress if we focus more on ourselves to be happy enough so no clarification is required.
*I realise I have just spent half an hour explaining my explaining but hey, we can’t get it right all of the time*