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Did you really hear that? Listening is a skill.

It may sound strange that it’s taken the first twenty three years of my life to figure this out but I’ve finally discovered that listening is a skill.

It’s a skill that requires an amount of practise. It’s a skill that I realised only a few months back I’ve not quite grasped so I’ve consciously been working on it in attempt to get better.

Listening is very different from hearing. You may well be able to hear quite perfectly but not actually be listening to a word that’s being said. How many times have you been talking to someone and then after the conversation has ended you’ve forgotten all that you spoke about. Or even worse, while stood there with them you realise that you’ve tuned out and it’s not until they direct a question at you that you notice how lost in conversation you are.

Working in a food shop, I’m forever taking orders then immediately forgetting what they asked for despite looking as though I took every word on board while staring blankly into their face. The phrase ‘in one ear and out the other’ couldn’t be truer in these moments and embarrassed doesn’t cover it.

We all have those we’d rather not listen to, or people who bore us endless so tuning out really isn’t that big of a deal, but I found recently that sometimes when I think I’m listening I’m not actually taking anything in.

I’ve always thought of myself as a good listener, especially to a friend in need. People close to me often ask for advice or ring up and simply want me to listen and give any pointers that I can. I’m good at that and I always revise the conversations had after when I’m on my own and I can remember close to everything that was said.

So, I’m good at listening to the important things. Well, mostly, but then nobody is perfect right? Sometimes an amount of guilt fills me when I think back to conversations that I should have remembered and can’t. Or go to ask a friend a question and they tell me I’ve already asked it five times previously. Oops. I never mean to but it’s times like these when I come to understand that my listening skills do need some refining.

Of course there are many ways to improve your listening, but I’ve found that indulging in activities that use your ears rather than your eyes helps massively. Things like tuning into the radio rather than watching mind-numbing TV. I realise I’m about to sound a lot older than I am in my next statement but I find that radio 4 is a good station to choose for this. Most shows involve a lot of conversation, quite deep discussions at that so sometimes you really have to focus if you want to hear and understand.

I also find listening to a play or audio book helps too. Sometimes it’s hard to shut your brain off and fully focus on the sounds coming from the radio. It takes me a while to do this and I really have to try.

Audio books are easier and I can usually be doing other jobs while playing one in the background, still fully aware of the story line and what’s happening. However, plays for some reason I struggle with a little more. Therefore, by listening to more of them I’ve found that I’m getting better at shutting my brain off quicker to the outside world and focusing in for an hour, understanding what’s going on through truly listening rather than only hearing.

Next time you’re having a conversation with somebody, revise it after and try to remember what was said. If you can’t then after the next conversation that you have, repeat the process and hopefully you’ll have retained a bit more information. As well as this indulge in chilling methods that involve listening and concentration like radio shows and audio books.

You’ll find as your skills improve and you become a better listener, you won’t have to speak as much and when you do you’ll find you’re a better speaker too, with only necessary words exiting your mouth.

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